All of Me

Resilience is the ability to get back up when life knocks you down. To be honest I’ve had to have resilience in my vocabulary since the moment I was placed on this earth. I was born three months early from my original due date at 1lb 2 ounces. It was not guaranteed that my parents would be able to bring me home. If it wasn’t for my resilience with the help of God I might not be here today. My relationship with resilience didn’t end the day my parents were able to take a breath of relief and bring me home. It was just starting. I was later diagnosed with cerebral palsy. A developmental and physical disability that affects the way I walk and my muscle movements along with some sensory issues and a processing disorder. So, as you can imagine, life can sometimes be a little extra. However, I strive to be the best daughter, friend, cousin, aunt, dog mom, and person despite any challenges that I face. I  that my disability doesn’t define, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a part of me. Having a disability can come with its challenges. I have spent a significant amount of time in hospitals. So, I have quite a few scars on my body to show for it. I like my scars because they are like my version of tattoos, but with a better story. Those scars just tell one part of my story. I have a lot more scars that aren’t visible. My scars on the inside. I am physically disabled and that has brought on a lot of judgement from the outside world. It has shown me from an early age how cruel people can be. Even though I don’t let that keep me from being kind to those I come across it has left me with a complex that extends farther than just my disability. My piece shows all those scars from the inside out. Everything that I have come to manifest and believe in myself because of society’s view of me. This has resulted in me beginning to question if something is wrong with me because of my disability, because of me as a person, or a combination of both. My piece shows me not just a person who has a disability, but a human being who struggles to feel good enough, who just wants friends, who love her and respect her for who she is. The left side represents everything that I hide with a smile. It shows that despite my disability I am human. I might not look at what is considered “normal” by first glance, but I am. This has led to loss of friendships, being bullied, and constantly feeling the need to prove myself to my peers academically and socially even today. So, I question if I said the right thing to my friend twenty-minutes ago and replay the event over in my head again and again. I wonder if I’m a burden to my parents and if they are truly happy because their twenty-six-year-old daughter still lives and depends on them. I hope that my dog knows I love her even though I can’t take her for those long runs that she enjoys. The right side represents everything that makes me who I am and who I know I am when I don’t let the left side interfere. My love for my family, my friends, and my dog. I am an artist even though I might not be the best at it, I love expressing myself through my creativity. I also love comic books, I am a practicing Catholic, and pop punk is my music genre of choice. Those are just some of the things in my piece that make me who I am, but I am so much more. This piece is a vulnerable and raw representation of who I am. I’m an insecure, thoughtful, artist who takes anti-depressants because sometimes I need a little help, but sometimes we all do and that’s okay because at the end of the day I’m just me and I am working every day to be the best version of me I can be.