Transferring in a Pandemic & How I Survived

Now, even though all that crazy stuff was going on, I had focused up and got it done. So this is how I survived 2020 and probably one of the lowest points in my life.

The beginning…

I remember the day the world shut down. I was at Mt.SAC during the club rush as I was a leader in the Psychology Club on campus. I was sitting with my other leaders, it was raining, and then one of the staff members came over and told us to pack up and leave campus as we were shutting down due to Covid cases popping up on campus. This was the last day I was on my community college campus. I would go on to finish my last semesters of CC during the pandemic with a lot of ups but many many downs along the way. In the beginning of the pandemic, my classes took a month-long hiatus as professors and staff got trained on online teaching. Then when they came back it was hard to focus on online classes and as we got farther and farther into the semester it got harder and harder to focus on the material. As I'm sure many of us felt that as time went on in isolation it felt more and more disconnected with the world and their work. For me this hit hard and for a period of time concentration felt almost impossible, everything got boring so fast and school was not fun. But even so I was doing alright. I decided to try my best and not let everything get to me (I tried). But then during April my life changed forever during my very last semester before I graduated.

The Collapse….

April 1, 2020 my father said a coworker at his work had tested positive for Covid and he had been working really close with him. We were really and he self-isolated for a week and within that week he started showing symptoms himself. Whether we were being optimistic or did not really take it too seriously, my family and I were confident he would be fine. He just needed to be isolated for 2 weeks and he would be better. Unfortunately, as time went on… he did not get better… in fact he got worse and within a week or 2 his doctor heard that his breathing was becoming troubled and he was sent to the hospital. 

In the beginning, I continued going to classes like nothing was happening and felt okay. I guess as time went on I kinda knew it was not going well, but one day mom had told me that he was doing better and it seemed to be on the up. Then soon after my mom was told that he would have to be put on a ventilator and would not be able to speak to anyone once on it. What sucked is that we could not see him… I could not see him at all because of the Covid restrictions we could not be by his side and all my mom told us is that he loved us and that he said he would fight. So I decided to do the same for my father. 

I vowed that I would finish my semester strong and do the best in school. To my father, my education was the most important thing and I wanted to make him proud with my grades. I was also working during all this at Target so I did not learn about him needing or being put on a ventilator until I got home from work in which I sent a message to him that read “Papí I love you please know that I love you, we are here for you and we are all hoping to see you back home soon. Please get better, I love you Papí”. Unfortunately, he did not get to read my message as he had already been put under for the ventilator; April 16, 2020. 

April 24, 2020….

On April 24, 2020 my mom was called into the hospital early in the morning, and did not return home for many hours. When she finally returned home my mom told my brothers and I that my dad passed away due to complications from Covid-19. My father passed away not seeing his sons, his wife, or any of his family, and yet when I was told the news I did not shed a tear, I did not feel anything. I can only assume I was in shock and did not know how to process what had just happened, that one of the most important people in my life just was gone… and I could not even say goodbye due to Covid restrictions. 

Then an hour later I got an email from UCSD saying that my application status had been updated. I checked and that is when I found out I had been accepted into UCSD… this is when I broke down. Looking at my acceptance letter only an hour after my father had passed, I broke down and cried. Looking back, I think seeing the acceptance letter brought the idea of my father who always wanted me to do the best in school; and now he would never see me graduate or even know I made it into an amazing school. It destroyed me and it hurt to the core.

What I Learned…

It took a very long time for me to get out of the hole that was dug when I finally broke. All my emotions, regrets, and thoughts plagued my mind and soul. I was not in a good spot and to this day, I am not completely done with healing. Sometimes I still cry about my father. Through my recovery journey, I learned that it's okay to cry, it’s okay to need help, it's okay to talk about your feelings, and overall, it’s okay to feel how you feel. 

I know I myself struggled and even now still struggle with this. So I implore anyone who has gone through something similar or is just feeling really down in the dumps: it is okay to feel and to talk about how you feel. I know it might be hard to talk or speak up but opening up can really help with how you feel and make the difference. I'm not saying it is easy, and I am not saying you have to, I just want to let you know there is a way. You are not alone in your struggles. 

Over here at the Triton Transfer Hub are always open to receiving messages if you need someone to talk to so please email your peer coach or any of the peer coaches. If you would like to talk in person you could set up a face-to-face with me at the Transfer Hub here at UCSD in the Biomedical Library; this is my link to make an appointment. In the same link, you can meet with any of the Peer Coaches and they would love to meet you and help you as much as they can.

I will listen and share my story as well but if you would like to seek some help by a professional I suggest looking into C.A.P.S. (Counseling and Psychological Services). They help many people with what I have been feeling and I myself plan on going, so I hope if you feel you need guidance or just need someone to talk to you, you can look towards CAPS as well. 

I know it is hard and I know the hole you may be in is a greater hole than mine but just know you are not alone in how you feel and that it can get better. You do not have to hide your feelings/emotions. You can feel the pain and still heal.

Source:  Parkman, Anna. (2016). The Imposter Phenomenon in Higher Education: Incidence and Impact. Journal of Higher Education Theory and Practice. 16. 51-60.