Quien Soy?

Karla Flores

The feelings of guilt, confusion and frustration have always been harbored since a young age.
The guilt of feeling embarrassed because your mom is asking you to translate in the grocery
store and hear the lady behind you chuckle, or the feeling of frustration because your dad
won’t play your favorite pop songs because he wants to listen to his Corridos. Similarly, there is
also a grand feeling of confusion because you don’t know what you want to do with your life
but disappointing your parents is the last thing you want to do. And to connect it all together,
not truly feeling like you belong in one culture or the other while fearing what others think
about the idea of combining the two is the most heartbreaking part.
I have always considered myself an artist. As a child I remember my mom walking with me to
the public library every Wednesday afternoon to attend a free art class. It was probably one of
the only memories that have truly stuck. The art instructor was a sweet girl with the softest
voice similar to mine yet she always made me feel heard. Unfortunately, the older I got, the
harder it became to find time and creativity for my artwork. Especially as a college student. I
felt like I was not allowed to paint as I could be using that time to study for exams and attend
science related events. It was making it hard to enjoy my biology classes. That was until I
decided to open my perspective. Art is everywhere including the sciences. I have decided to not
choose one or the other but rather find ways to enjoy both.
Similarly, the older I got, the less time I would spend speaking Spanish. Then one day, I found
myself being ridiculed for having such an “American accent.” I suddenly remembered the
feeling of embarrassment I felt when I was younger but it wasn’t the same. This time it was
embarrassment because I couldn’t speak the language I grew up with. The soul crushing feeling
that I was assimilating to the point I felt like I was erasing a part of me I barely knew about did
not help. I decided I was tired of feeling confused about who I was. I was reminded that my
Mexican culture is beautiful and I have the freedom to learn more about it. I began practicing
my Spanish with my mom the same way I would help her with her English. She enjoyed listening
to me speak the language I had once forgotten and told me she was proud.
Not only did I begin to listen to more songs in Spanish but I decided the artistic answer to
getting more in touch with my roots is through dance. I will admit I am not the biggest dancer. I
am extremely shy and overall lack confidence because growing up, this type of dancing was
“embarrassing.” I am not proud for allowing myself to be convinced of such thoughts and I told
myself that I wanted to do this to learn more about my culture. The dance, ballet Folklorico,
and attire itself is a work of art. I began admiring myself and my dancing partners. The way our
dresses flowed is so mesmerizing and the smile on my dad’s face when he saw me dancing to
one of his favorite songs is something I don’t want to forget. I was suddenly five again riding in
the backseat of his car but this time I didn’t want to skip the music.
Now, I have learned how to accept who I am. I am an artist but I am also a scientist; I am
American but I am also Mexican; I am shy but I am also confident and I am allowed to love both
sides of me. I was tired of always feeling unsure of who I am and what I can and can’t do.

With that being said, this piece is called “Quien Soy?” or “Who Am I?” in Spanish. It is a piece
that I believe truly captures a majority of the essence I am transitioning into. As a first
generation Latina, it can be hard trying to feel like I belong not only as a student but as a whole
person. I felt that the best way to represent who I am working to become is by painting myself
during a Folklorico performance. This dress was the first one I had ever worn and I felt beyond
beautiful. The flowers represent the growth in different aspects in my life and the use of bright
colors symbolizes the courage I had to gain to be confident as a dancer. This piece is the
embodiment of the resilience I have developed as a student and an artist. This piece is as
resilient as the culture I am proud to be a part of.